This is getting personal now.
As the title states this post is a personal one. A post I feel I have to write, I need it off my chest as it is heavy and I don't want to keep it in any longer. This weekend my daughter and I had a lovely day planned with some shopping and a movie at the end of the day. A "date day" as she called it. We were taking public transit to get from one mall to another as we were shopping for a very special Christmas dress. On our way to the movie theater we were sitting in the bus and a man came on with two small boys about 4 or 5 years old. A blond calm boy and a darker slightly wilder one. It was clear that these boys were excited to be on a bus as most small children are - they were trying out the seats in front of them, behind them etc. The man (father) was rough in his handling but I could see that he needed them to stay seated and understand that a moving bus for small kids can be dangerous so I thought nothing of it. I am often fascinated by the relationship between child and parent and since I am naturally interested in kids I cannot help but see the interaction of this particular man and his kids. He was a bit rough, looked tired, frustrated and generally not very kind in his demeanor. As he was about to get off the bus, I noticed that he shoved them both off the seats into the aisle to start the exit from the bus. OK not necessary I think but none of my business. At that point he turns to me and says - in a thick "eastern European" accent which I can only assume is Russian, in English he says "You are lucky". I immediately reply and say "oh, why do you say that", he proceeds to tell me that I am lucky because I can effectively communicate with my child and that she listens and that I have a good relationship with her... I was shocked but felt grateful until he continued to talk and said and I quote " I don't know what i'll do with these boys I may as well shave their heads and send them to the army to get beaten like real men". I immediately responded without a pause and said "you should love them for who they are and the rest will sort itself out - LOVE solves everything". He thought about it a moment and responded by saying "I don't love these children, I just don't". I was utterly stunned in my seat, and he got off the bus and then shrugged at me from outside the window. I looked over at my daughter and started to cry, I couldn't keep it in.
I wanted to jump out of that bus and take those children with me. All I could imagine was that this monster was mistreating them and their behavior was a direct reflection of that neglect. My daughter gave me a big hug and we wept together, I got myself together and we spoke about it and I can only hope that she doesn't remember this experience because I can't imagine that there are people in this world that treat their children so badly and will admittedly tell a stranger that they don't love them, I just cannot imagine that we live in a world that this hatred exists...
I couldn't sleep that night as I thought of those little faces and prayed really honestly prayed that they were well. I am well aware of my sensitive nature, hence why I don't work in any social work because I could not handle it. Why would this happen to ME. Me of all people, I adore children I am immediately drawn to kids like some people are to animals, I always smile when I see children around, they have that affect on me.
I've had two other experiences like this in my life that have affected me so badly and i'm so saddened i'm sickened that this makes three. Hopefully I told my daughter they have a loving mother at home who loves them so much and that my words to him will make him think about his actions and change. I can only hope. I don't take public transit very often but when I go by this building where they got off I will always wonder.
Why me why did this happen to me?